3DO Interactive Multiplayer

Super Models go wild. Oh really?

I never thought, well - I never imagined, not for a second, that watching scantily clad women could be so boring. I want you to pause for a second and dismiss any hovering thoughts of disgust at me for, once again, covering 3DO soft pornography. And join me in a moment of contemplation. I want to muse on, or rather reflect on, how much effort, how much hard work, how much fundamental negligence in ones work, one has to go to, when making half naked pin-up girls boring.

Boring to watch - and boring to listen to.

Admittedly I never had much hope, even before watching this Beh Hur of tedium, that listening to these women was going to be anything other than dull - yet hope springs eternal. But even the soundtrack to this Vivid interactive presentation, is so utterly mentally scaringly dull, that the only belief you can have after trying to watch it, is that the whole thing was created on purpose.

Some sort of reverse psychology. By some anti half-naked women lobbying group in an attempt to bore the instinctual, genetic desire to watch half naked women. And 'Damn' - it nearly worked. Nearly.

I say again - boring. My blood is red. My chromosome is definitely 'Y' - so how? How is it boring?

Arty shots of women doing boring things. First-off, you have got 'Goffic Girl'. All dressed in black. Well a black bikini. And big black Doctor Martin boots. There is nothing so ugly on any human or animal and perhaps even vegetable as Dr Martin boots. Light on dress and heavy of bosom account for nothing - if, and only if, you are wearing Dr Martins footwear and clambering up a rocky incline. As does this first woman. Made worse by the fact she climbed up the hill - and then climbed down it - to only climb back up it again.

However this woman stands out as positively interesting compared to Apple Pie girl, all decked out in gingham and hot-pants or even Boat Rigging girl and her loyal side kick: Queen of the Pouters. Whose world class pouting made her face look like an Octopus tentacle for most of the presentation.

The only woman that was even mildly entertaining was Kelp Woman. A strange partially dressed woman who rolled around on a beach with a big string of Seaweed. It wasn't erotic - it was bemusing. "What" I kept asking myself "is she doing with that Seaweed?"

Things might have improved if they had taken their Brassiers off - but they didn't. To be honest, I don't think it would have helped any either...

It's weird - it really is. Maybe I'm getting old? Maybe I'm terminally cynical? Maybe I'm que... nah. Nah! It's not that. It's just boring.

Maybe that's it. If you live the crazy, mad-cap, hectic life of super model - when you go 'wild' you go boring.... possibly.

Way over priced.

3DO Kid.

The content of this next entry has been influenced by the replies to my Annual update entry. First of all I thought - Hey! time for some Super Models Go Wild, that's right, 3DO style! Then I thought no, lets do one better, lets do a mega-expose of Virtual Cameraman 1 to 5. Yes! Hot naked Japanese chicks. With all the hints, all the tips, where to buy it and how best to get 'em naked. QUICKLY!

However - it appears that two very nice ladies, who are over 50 years young, also visit my blog - so I think that sort of content is hardly appropriate now is it?

So, onwards - Igo time trial - a puzzle game from Japan.

Have you ever been so bored you cried? Your eyes become so heavy - holding your head upright becomes a real challenge? If only you could close your eyes for second - but if you do - you know you will fall asleep? But closing your eyes feels so good, so relaxing, so... zzzzZZZ.

That is Igo time trial in a nutshell. Very, very boring. According to Wikipedia Igo is a Japanese version of a Chinese game called Weiqi.

The aim is to surround your opponents pieces with your own. All very Sun-tsu I'm sure. The twist is that on the 3DO it is timed. So you as the player just have to slot in the winning piece or not as it was in my bleary-eyed suffering case.

According to Wiki it is a 2,000 year old game - I imagine it's the same 2,000 year old game. One Chinese guy going "You go", the other going "No - you go" and the Japanese guy going "Damn it - Igo!" Priceless.

Fortunately I don't charge for access to this website. So I don't see a need to apologise. But I will anyway - Sorry.

Enjoy the pictures of this why did we bother converting this to computer game. Next - Horny naked Japanese chicks letting it all hang out - sorry ladies - I promise to censor out the naughty bits but really? Another puzzle game and I'll go nuts.

3DO Kid.

Packed with testosterone and red blood cells - And some white ones.

On November the 15th, it will one year since I started this blog. So I think an update is in order. One I shall keep and not delete.

I’ve covered some 160 games, I have provided one walk-through, some cover art and endless deleted updates. I’ve appeared in the fabulous Retro Gamer magazine and started a column on the commercially supported GameSetWatch website. Entitled: 3DO and beyond.

I'm also the most popular 3DO website on the web - or at least I like to think I am. I am probably the most active 3DO dedicated website. I have the most games and the most screen shots. None of it is ripped off and I've played every game - to varying degrees! So it's all original content - of which I'm quite proud.

However, all of this, while pleasant and very welcome, wasn't actually the original goal of this blog. Oh-no! The objectives were outlined, at least in part, beneath my logo. So have I achieved these?

Actually – yes!

Firstly, for me at least, it was something to occupy my mind while that dangerous 6:00pm to 10:00pm drinking and eating period is upon me. So – have I lost weight in the past year? I’m happy to report I have. Only about 9Kgs, that is about 20lbs or rather a stone and a half. Which, while I have plenty to go, has made me quite happy. My weight has returned to the healthy bracket for my height and build!

And, although I wasn’t a super-heavy drinker, I was drinking too frequently and too much for me too feel comfortable with it. And I’m glad to report I've turned a nightly habit into a fortnightly habit – again thanks to writing this blog each night.

The next objective of this blog was to improve my written English. All I can say is that I have learnt a lot. I’ve certainly learned to have a great deal of respect for professional reviewers. The guys who write for the magazines I have enjoyed so much for so many years. It is certainly a talent they hold. One that, well - until I started this blog, I had under estimated. I’ve learnt that reviewing is tough work. Being creative and interesting and entertaining, time and time again is indeed hard work. In that respect I have failed on this blog – so for me it’s with wonderment and awe that I watch people, people like JS at Retro Gamer succeed. I’ve learnt that writing is more than being grammatically word perfect or feeling compelled to use pretentious, practically meaningless words. It’s a form of Edutainment. It's kind of an under valued yet potent art form.

So, now, when I read the likes of Edge, Games™ and Retro Gamer, I read them in a new light. People who write professionally have a magic, and I do call it magic. For example when the chap who edits my efforts over at www.GameSetWatch.com works his magic, it really is remarkable. He manages to convert my rambled musings-insaneo-rants into readable enjoyable works. It is incredible. Truly incredible – so thanks Stuart!

Thanks to all you reviewing and editing guys.

Remarkably – this blog has also helped me in my professional career. I do technical sales for a leading security software company, I work in London, selling to the Finance sector - the Square Mile as it is called - so obviously writing game reviews hasn’t helped me directly as I dawdle around Bank, Moorgate and Lombard street, scampering over to Canary Wharf every so often, flogging my wares.

But, guess what? It has helped.

I learnt to have an opinion again. OK – sounds a bit weird – yes I know. But it is true. At work I’m not really allowed an opinion, question anything and I’m in trouble. My bosses don’t want to hear my opinion and for the most part there is no medium for communicating it. All of which is, for an opinionated person like myself, quite hard going. That’s why I rant on here. That’s why I go over the top. It has been, sort of, a therapy. Therapy that worked.

It has also reminded me that trying is enough. I tried, every other night, to improve my English - and I think I have. I've tried to stop drinking and over-eating - and I have. I wanted, all my life, to be in a games magazine and I wanted a video game column. I tried and succeeded. I now need to apply this to my job. Stop moaning about it - and get on and do it. I am fortunate to have the job and life style I do. All I need to do is keep trying - and not giving up. Soppy? Yeah - maybe. But true none the less. It is easy to be mediocre. Not to try. But that's not me. This blog helped me to re-learn to keep trying. Something a year ago I wasn't doing. "I must not blame others" is my new mantra. The emphasis is really on me. (Too many Japanese RPG speeches? Yeah - I guess!)

What else?

I have finished a huge amount of 3DO games – start to end. Which means despite the 3DO Panasonic FZ-1 being one of the most expensive consoles on its release, it has, minute-for-minute probably proved to be one of the most cost effect forms of entertainment I have ever bought!

Also, some of those nagging little gaming things, you know things like: Back in '94 I wanted to play Dr Hauzer - I've done that. Finished Lucienne's Quest- check. Found a copy of Autobahn Tokio - done. I feel happy about that too.

So - to wrap-up this update a thanks to the guys who have stopped-by my blog and made a few comments and in the process kept my spirits up. Doggone, Maclic, Szczep, Anthony McClintock and Lemmi_Is_God (3DO collector extraordinaire that he is) sorry lads but you are all officially now 3DO Fanboys. Too bad!

And that’s it.

I guess I’ll finish this epic crusade sometime in 2007 – until then -to all the new Internet friends - Thanks!

Same 3DO time - same 3DO blog! Stayed tuned 3DO Fans!

3DO Kid.

(meh - I'll edit this tomorrow!!!)

"Take a firm grip of your stick and whack away at those balls until they are in the hole." - Sound advice Tom. Thanks. That covers everything about golf you will ever need to know.

From the same people that bought you ESPN Step and ESPN Volley ball.

Who the hell is Tom Kite anyway?

A PGA golfer apparently - from Texas. He reminds you ever two minutes of that. It's not like you couldn't guess from his heavy Texan accent. It would have been better, well better for me anyway, if he had worn a big 10 gallon Steson hat and cowboy boots. That would have been better. Much much better. Sadly he didn't.

One day - a very real dream for me - when I'm rich from selling my mighty 3DO collection, I will do the following: I intend to wear a big Stenson hat, a white one, and some big cowboy boots and big pair of Levi jeans. I will then drive coast-to-coast across America, in an American cabriolet car with a 'V something' engine. This huge car will be black and will have a big gold eagle on the front. I intend to refer to Policeman as 'Smokies' and this mighty car will have a CB radio. The wife, although she doesn't know this yet, will be forced to wear hot pants and checked top and cowboy boots. I'll listen to 1970's music all day and sing songs about the Devil coming to Georgia and stuff. It will be great.

I want to see the Statue of Liberty. Area 51. Las Vagas. South Fork. Where ever they filmed the series 'Twin Peaks' and eat some pie and coffee - just like agent Cooper. From there I want to see Hollywood. Stay in an American Motel. Have a genuine 'US Hot Dog' and my big dream is to go to Houston - where the space shuttle is. Geek-boy that I am. Cliched? Perhaps. Will I go to America to play this daft sport that was invented in Scotland? No. No I won't. Because, and you can quote me on this, "It is crap."

Grab the stick like this. Whack the ball like that. Look at the grass. Hit the ball. Grab your stick. Feel the wind flowing past your cheeks. Mountain? Or Mole hill? Golf is pretty dull.

Best golf ever was in the film Caddy Shack - true fact!

3DO Kid.

What do you get if you cross one of the worlds largest car manufacturers, if not the largest, with one of the biggest names in movie history and the 3DO multiplayer?

That's right. One of the worst games ever. Sponsored, naturally, by Toyota. (What!?!?)

I do believe this is the only Alfred Hitchcock video game ever made. Or should I say Alfred Hitchcock-san. It is Japanese only release you see. It is really not very good. Really, really, really, bad. Possibly the worst game for the 3DO multiplayer - That is right. It has nearly knocked BC Racer off of the worst game for the 3DO spot.

The game contains a single short clip of the man himself - dubbed, naturally into Japanese. And two short yet really quite poor puzzle games.

One of which is match the pairs of items. This challenge is against the clock but you would need to gouge your eyes out not to beat it easily and the second game is a roulette wheel. Press 'A' to allow the game to randomly choose an item and the press 'A' again as the wheel spins to match that item. Eagle eyed players will notice that it is indeed the same items in both the Roulette wheel game and the matching pair game.

That is all there is to say on this pitiful little title.

Enjoy.

3DO Kid.

One day I shall tire of hearing and telling Uranus jokes - but today is not that day. Uranus is 2,852,000,000 miles away - according to what I learned from an Extra Terrestrial in today's epic 3DO title - Putt Putt goes to the Moon.

It is surprisingly good. It is a point and click adventure for little kids. Putt Putt, the little purple cabriolet in the pictures below, visits a firework factory. During a private fireworks display, and thanks to a lack of respect for even the most rudimentary health and safety checks, Putt Putt is propelled to the Moon on an enormous rocket.

Having survived the journey to Earths only natural satellite he then meets up with the abandoned Lunar Rover and has to find the various components of a space rocket, which will allow him to make his way home.

This title enjoys pretty high production values. The animation is good and well presented. The voice acting appropriate for little kids, despite the fact that the red car (pictured below) sounds eerily like Barney from the Simpsons, and overall it was enjoyable, polished presentation.

Each sequence has a reasonable level of depth. For example click the aliens signposts and you receive some educational information or if you move the cursor over one of the back ground objects you are treated to a mildly amusing briefly animated sequence.

Obviously, the puzzles are not overly taxing but then it is meant for small children.

In fairness there is no aspect of this title for me to pick on, make fun of or abuse. It is actually a good solid title for the 3DO.

3DO Kid.

Presented by Arthur Benjamin - the Mathemagician.

This is a nerdy geek-fest. Or tricks with numbers. Arthur, the lead presenter on this Learning cube disc, does what Prof. Kawashima has attempted to do on the Nintendo DS. Teaches us to use our brains.

A noble yet largely pointless exercise. And one I strongly oppose. Most people are annoying enough not using their brains - I perish to think what happen if they took to actually using them. No - indeed. The entire peoples of the Earth are much better off in my opinion dawdling about with brain firmly in neutral. In this state I firmly believe they are less of a risk to themselves and others.

Should they ever start thinking, it is in my opinion, that only the worst will happen. They will start asking a bunch of questions that are probably best left unanswered. Things like: What actually is that creamy stuff in Oreos? Would I really be better off eating the packaging French Fries come in? And if this guy in Mathemagics is so damn clever - why isn't he clever enough to lose a few pounds in weight?

It'll be anarchy. Eternal darkness. Temple stones breaking. Lambs and Lions lying down together. Peace on earth and the dead rising. Although like I've already said it may take a while to notice the dead walking around again.

Arther then takes to teaching us how to do long multiplication in our heads. How to find the square-root of large numbers in our heads and a host of Mathematical tricks to astound your friends and make the blood flow around your higher-functions. Sort of a anti-virtual-cameraman then - which focused on making blood flow around the lower functions!

I was, fact #2 about me 3DO Kid, ranked 22nd in the country for Mathematics back in school, and I've always enjoyed this kind of thing. Ironic - yes I know. English I was rubbish at - but you can tell that anyway. Mathematics I was always pretty good at!

Can I recommend Mathemagics? Well since the readers of my blog are the salt of the Earth and amongst the most scholarly people alive. I'm sort of torn. On one hand, yes - if you get a chance have look. On the other, it's probably beneath your intellect.

Decide for yourselves!

It's TEH RARE TOO and features no naked women or guns. In case you were wondering.

3DO Kid.

There is big sign ahead, it says "Warning, thin ice!" - what do I care? Am I not 3DO Kid? Time to look at Mr Hawkins favourite 3DO game - Twisted.

If I'm the prophet of 3DO - then he is, or perhaps was, the Messiah of the 3DO. The celestial 3DO bringer of life. The big I am of the ARM powered console of light. Religious sounding homages aside - how far am I to trust a man who studied Marketing, at least in part, at University? A man who has been selling video games and video game systems for 30 years. He looks in good shape for his age, but I'm guessing about as far as I could throw him - which ain't far.

Anyway, in three interviews in the UK recently, he told the world he still plays Twisted on the 3DO. Oh-really!? Why not Zhadnost - the peoples party? Hmm!? Same game - different graphics. Do you still play that William? And if not why not?

They never ask the questions I would. Me - 3DO kid. The last of the great 3DO fanboys.

...but I'm not alone. Out there. On the web. Is another website secretly reviewing 3DO games. Oh yes. I saw it. I read it. They covered Twisted back in June '06. According to them it seemed OK. Well - up until the point they used the word 'Zany' in their review - I stopped reading then. Tch! Argentineans. Still - they too liked Twisted.

So - assuming Trip Hawkins wasn't mustering the dark forces of marketing for reasons I can't quite fathom and the guys over at Defunctgames.com aren't secretly plotting to steal back the Falklands by blinding me with words like 'Zany' - then my guess is that Twisted is alright.

Suspicions aside then. Yet Twisted represents another problem. It's a four player game. I stand about as much chance of getting four people into a room to play this, as I would summoning the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to play Zahdnost with me. No hope what-so-ever.

I don't like party games. Mostly because I don't get invited to those kind of parties. I can imagine me being invited to dinner by one of the Vice Presidents of the company I work for. And me clanking up-to the front door, tripping over the controller, with my 3DO under my arm and selection of soft Japanese porn, Need for Speed and this spoof TV game show. "No, No, No, it'll be alright" I drunkenly yell, as I yank aggressively the ariel cable out of the back of his $20,000 HDTV to plug my obsolete games console in.

...Some how - I can't see it happening.

Of cause it does happen. Not with Twisted on the 3DO but with Playstation and its plethora of Interactive party games. 3DO having pipped it to the post by a not-so-nail-biting 12 years. Maybe Harvard wasn't wasted after-all then William?

I will admit that there is a polish to Twisted. A shine. It doesn't wreak of trying too hard. Maybe just a whiff. Maybe I'm being mean? I did play it. A series of full motion video clips tied to a game-show theme and engineered to played in group. The games and puzzles designed to be mildly frustrating and fun. EA did well - it was just the right side of frustrating and the good side of fun. OK. If that was the goal William - then well done. It's pretty good. I'll give you that

See? You can use the word 'Zany' while conveying its meaning without sounding tragic. Maybe my months studying marketing at University weren't wasted either!

Not - at all - rare!

3DO Kid.

You live and learn - don't you? I know I do. It had never dawned on me that Quarterback Attack was a Digital Pictures game. Some how it failed to register. I had gotten it confused with one of the ESPN tutorial discs and had put it too the back of my 3DO mind. But I was wrong. What joy.

This is a Tom Zito special - once again. The Interactive Movie of American football. And I actually enjoyed it more than EAs' John Madden on the 3DO. One day, someone from Electronic Arts circa 1994 will read that last comment - and I will have sent them to an early grave. But I make no apologies. A game is supposed to be fun. Is it not? And this is fun. It really is.

It plays, well, play is probably a strong word to associate with a Digital Pictures interactive movie, so I'll use the word 'feels' instead. It feels like a late 1980s, straight to video, American teen football movie. In fact it is exactly like one. And all the better for it. What Supreme Warrior was for the fighting genre Quarterback attack is for sport genre. Awesome vision, outstanding production values, questionable game. Still - I'd say it was more fun than Night Trap and I'd say it was more than its Zombie infested follow up - Corpse Killer. High praise indeed.

You can only play as one member of an American Football team. The Quarterback. You decide the plays. What plays the front-line guys will do, what the rear line guys will do. It's then your job, as virtual Quarterback, to pick the right moment to throw the ball up the pitch to one of the other chappies, so he can score a touch down.
Sounds simple - is tough.

The acting is over dramatic and cheesy. Which is good - in my honest opinion. The clips dis-orientate you, because no matter how far up the pitch you think you have made it, it's always the same shot. And it does nothing for the career Mike Ditka. Who? Precisely.

Yes it is appalling - yes it is fun. Contradiction maybe. I'll try and explain. Is Plan 9 from outer space an appalling film? Yes - yes it is. Some say the worst film ever. Do people still watch it with enjoyment and for pleasure? Yes they do. Digital Pictures games are the same thing for me. Weird? Hey - I'm 3DO kid!

I'd recommend you find this game, play it, and stop being so damned gaming pretentious!

Rare too!

3DO Kid.

End of an era - this is the last Warp game for the 3DO. And it's just a little 'un. Yep - Short Warp. Geddit? Short Warp - Little 'un? Nudge - nudge. I'm wasted - I really am.

My disc is number 3,571 of 10,000. Coincidently as my blog clicks over the 100,000th unique visitor. Which is sort of cool for a niche, geeky, pointless blog like this.

So - aside from some minimalist box art - what else do you get for 2,800 Japanese yen (about £14.00 or $28.00 U.S.)

You get nine Warp mini games - Some new - Some not so new.

The first one is Signal Flag University. Oh yes. From the Warp animated gang, this game focuses on the one that looks like a little orange cat. The cat gets shouted instructions and then you via the Dpad, are expected to respond with the correct flag. Unable, as I am, to speak Japanese. This game was not much fun for me. Although it looks cute.

The second game is Dance Heaven. Not really a game to be honest. Basically every button on the 3DO joypad is mapped to a percussion instrument. You hit a button, it makes a sound, the screen changes. I have no musical talent. None. I was kicked out of Recorder lessons when I was five years old for being tone-deaf. Having heard this - so was Warp.

The third game. Oyaji Hunter. Not to be confused with Oyaji Hunter Mahjong. Oyaji means 'old man', and this mini-game is based on the same game engine as Wake up Nobunaga, or Oversleep Nobunaga. You, as Oyaji Hunter beat up a dirty old man who has been caught looking down some young girls top. You whack away at the 'A' button and it counts up from 1. You then whack the 'A' button again and you are rewarded with a multiplyer. The total is subtracted from Oyajis' grand total. Once it reaches zero your treated to a view down a young womans top. "Arigato Oyaji hunter" - she cries - I bet.

Forth is Rush 'n' Fire Megadas. I've played once, twice, thrice and never liked it. Large ring robotic sumo, with guns. No, sorry, not for me.

Next up is one of the better games. Animalis. We've seen it before on 'Flopon World' but it's still pretty fun. You flip the squares to reveal an animals face. Match the faces and the squares vanish and the remaining squares slide down to form patterns. Put three in a line and your little friend on the right hand side of the screen, being lowered by a rope into a hungry crocodile is hoisted back up a bit. The game is time limited but quite fun. Easily one of the better games on the disc.

At number 6 is more Nobunaga bashing as Lets wake up Nobunaga or Oversleep Nobunaga is once again included. Very similar to Oyaji Hunter except the numbers are Japanese based rather than European in Oyaji hunter.

Then it's Mahjurith. Tetris meets Mahjong. Warp seem just a teeny bit obsessed with the idea of combining game genres. This sort of works - although because the Mahjong characters are very stylised Japanese/Chinese the game isn't friendly to those of us that don't read Japanese/Chinese character sets.

Next the one we've been waiting for Flopon the Space Mutant 2. Same old Trip D just with much fancier graphics. The usual crowd of Warp mutants descend from the top the screen, in much the same manner as in Tetris. Your job is rotate and position them in groups of four so they either disappear or morph into a Trip D character. If that happens the next time you morph a character you do damage to you opponents stack of blocks. It's a lot of fun and the best game on the disc.

The final one is plain old fashioned weird. It is called Hyper Comanchic and it's basically 'Simon Says'. The game tells you to press a sequence of keys and you, within a time limit, must press the correct sequence of keys. It starts off easy and gets gradually harder. Every time you win a little Action Man like character does a dance. Again - I don't get it either. It's weirdly addictive and a version of it did appear in the Arcade in Shenmue. Although I'm not suggesting a link.

And that's it.

Having played D back in the day, and more recently the entire Warp 3DO catelogue, I've been trying to figure out Warp and its merry little band of wacky developers, artists and musicians were upto in the early 1990s. Most of it doesn't make sense. Not until this disc arrived. Now, I think, although no promises, I get it. Warp that is.

Why are some of the games ambitious but flawed? Why are most of the games basic PD games? Why the double meanings behind Oyaji Hunter? Why the experimentation? Why do you get the feeling sometimes Warp were taking the p**s?

The Short Warp disc comes with an insert and manual. The manual contains pictures of the Warp team. Simply put, the answer to the Warp riddle? They were young.

Is Short Warp rare? 1 in 10,000 rarer now!

3DO Kid.