3DO Interactive Multiplayer

Yet another flying game. I have mixed feelings about this game. It is very repetitive. Fly here. Destroy that. Collect this. On the other hand it looks good. Sort of. Certainly it looks different. Smooth as a peach and twice as fast. Star Fighter has wall-to-wall polygons. No scaling sprites here my friends.

The nice parts, well, the completely thought through parts are done well. For example the flight model is unrealistic but unrealistic in a plausible way. Eh? Flight is about thrust, lift, drag and gravity. Star Fighter ignores drag and gravity. The aircraft does move in a fluid way however and while a bit quirky, once you've got a handle on it, it becomes elegant and rewarding.

Once mastered, you can bask in the splendor of your new flying skill by quickly moving to another camera angle and watching your Star Fighter flyby. A nice touch. This game has a lot of 'nice touches'.

The weapons are, while not entirely original, well implemented. The lasers and missiles look the part and offer a credible level of damage to your target. As the game progresses you get a beam weapon that kind of lassos things and a tactical nuclear weapon - which is a joy to behold. The cherry on top is everything can be destroyed. Even so far as strafing a textured hillside with laser fire will scorch the earth. Trees, bushes, everything can be destroyed as can any building you come across. In fact most missions insist on this.

This is where Star Fighter stumbles and trips. You see it is true the graphics engine and the flight mechanics are a joy. Powering up your craft is inspiring and skimming along on the edge of space is serene. It is clear that the Krysalis 3D modellers were at the top their game - gifted, talented and masters of polgon manipulation.

They then made the fatal mistake of taking this blessed game engine to Colin. Colin was part of a Youth Training Scheme. Earning £72.00 per week, he helped out in the script, plot and mission design department at Krysalis. Colin, so it seems, was dropped perhaps once to often on his head as a child. The go there, shoot that, come here, shoot this structure of the game was somewhat, what can I say - "Boring, tedious, dull, wasteful, shockingly uninspired, poor?". You get my point.

It seems such a shame that with such a great game engine they couldn't come up with something better than what they did with this script. It is atrocious. The game engine could even cope - just about - with going into space. So what did the level designer have you do? Go there, shoot that, come here, shoot this. There has to be a circle of Hell dedicated to this kind of small mindedness?

They could have bolted on a trading element. They could have bolted on a free-style mission element. They could have had you choosing sides in a civil war. Using bits perhaps from the grand structure of Elite. Anything would have been better than: Go there, shoot that, come here, shoot this.

A wasted opportunity. Star Fighter is great game engine looking for a game. Sadly it found a mid-90s cliche.

Rare ...ish. Not really.

3DO Kid.

Revvin' up your engineeeee,
Listen to her howlin' roarrrrr,
Metal under tensiooooon,
Beggin' you to touch and go!

Highway to the Danger Zooooone!
Ride into the Danger Zooooone!

Chocks away chaps. Maverick at 2 O'Clock. Back in blighty for tea. What? Goose?! Gooooooose!? Noooooooooo!

That's right - VR Stalker is Flight Simulator. And you? Well you Sir are the fighter pilot out to restore virtual democracy to the U.S of A.

Piloting a range of aircraft from F14 to the X2 to the Stealth Bomber. You fly over the bleak and barren texture-less landscape. The merciless lens-flare free sun beating down on you. All the while the beady eye of the enemy tries to put bullets in your virtual cockpit.

Your mission is to liberate each US State in turn. Destroying a target, usually ground and then move on.

It's a cruel world. As luck would have it, the evil doers who invaded the United States and nuked Los Angeles and New York altered the very fabric of physics. Each aircraft sports unlimited ammunition. Which is unusual. Unlimited altitude. Which is bazaar. Unlimited fuel. Which is very bazaar. And suffers no ill-effects of G-Force. Regardless of angle or speed. Which makes this game lousy.

Still - VR Stalker is to 3DO, what Ace Combat is to the PS1. With only minor difference being that some people remember Ace Combat fondly.

Graphically VR Stalker is well below par. The ground is flat and featureless. Apart from badly realised mountain ranges that lurch out. The clouds are not polygon based and therefore do not scale well and the same can be said of the enemy aircraft. These same aircraft, that after a certain point, remain the same size regardless how close to them you are. Which is frankly appalling.

The game play is uninspired. You never feel like you are really in a dog fight and the lack of a credible physics engine means you just keep banking your aircraft until the enemy is in your sights, then - BLAM! BLAM! Two missiles from your inexhaustible supply. It's dead. Wooo - big snore - hooooo!

The 3DO could do better. PO'ed and Blade Force proved the machine could be used to create credible physics engines. While Wing Commander III and Space Hulk taught us that the machine could be graphically impressive. VR Stalker has neither graphics or physic engine. Overall it feels like VR stalker is practice for something better.

Flight Sims, even arcade ones like this, live and die by utilising either action and pace and therefore focusing on the shooting elements or credible graphics and therefore focusing on the flying. VR Stalker fails to focus. Period.

Perhaps a little more polish. A little more effort. A little more time. VR Stalker could have been something. Instead it is nothing.

It's a great a shame. VR Stalker can be summed up as: Almost. Maybe. Can't be bothered.

Quite rare too!

3DO Kid.

A 3DO disk that represented a journey into uncharted territory. Into the bleak unknown. A world - so alien - so utterly unfathomable - that I may never be the same again.

"Step". "3DO ESPN - Step Aerobics".

Lord have mercy on my soul.

To fully appreciate this title I donned the "Mighty shorts of doom!". And exposed the "Spindly-legs of pastiness". Much like the last frozen crinkle-cut chip in the packet - I stared at the TV, 3DO controller in my trembling hands. Look of tripidation on my face.

Of cause 'Step' is a womans' things. Like Tampons. Eastenders. Anything involving Leonardo Di Caprio. Lipstick. Blogs. Yes - I used cliches and rhetoric in an attempt to console myself.

As a male I think I lack the genetic composition to understand fitness videos. Something in that Y-chromosome that washed that bit away. Or maybe all the love lavished on fitness CD's was stored in that missing X-chromosome? Who knows? Who cares?

Still there it was. Me. The TV. My 3DO and Miss York. Her full of bravado, surrounded by a Camera crew and her cronies. Me full of embarrassment and alone in my lounge.

These things draw out the cynical in me. They really do. The more enthusiastic a person - the more cynical I become. The more Tracy raved - the more I pouted in disapproval. Call it instinct. Call it cowardice. Call it male-ego. Call it a primeval urge to go 'Meh...'. I felt my jowls heading south. Same direction as my stomach. ...and my self confidence.

It didn't help that I strongly suspected she probably featured more male hormones than me. She looked a bit scary. Nothing like a real woman. She gave me the creeps.

Thick unnatural thighs. No real 'bumps'. And arms that look like she could arm wrestle and beat an angry gorilla. I was intimated by a woman on a 12 year old disk. In a film made 6,000 miles away.

Before it started I switched it off. I couldn't face it. No thanks.

Exercise 3DO disks are not for me.

I thank you.

Rare - meh?

3DO Kid.

This is a take your shoes off game. No hats please and comb your hair.

OI! You at the back - SHUT IT! Or you will feel the back of my hand.

Silence please!

We are going to talk about Kenji Eno-san' and Fumito Ueda-san' most sacred creation:

'D'.

To be fair it is difficult to know where to begin. 'D' is something of a holy relic - the Turin Shroud of the 3DO if you will. It's treated with respect, not really well understood and people will queue up to see it and pay good money to have facsimile to take home. The game very much had and has a life of its own. Especially now - as it starts its passage into legend.

'D' is to video games what Clockwork Orange is to movies and Bohemian Rhapsody is to music. You don't have to like it - Hell, you may even hate it but you can't fail to get a feeling from it. A vibe. The game resonates an unmistakable aura.

Maybe it's passion. Game making is often akin to politics - it's not what you say - it's how many people you make happy by saying it. The Fifa franchise is a good example. 'D' is different. For that alone you have got to give Kenji-san some credit. He basically said F***-it! I have an idea, a plan, an image in my eye and come hell or high-water I'm going to make it. That is pretty much 'D' in a nut shell - one mans vision.

To aid him attain his vision he had Fumito Ueda-san on the team. The name probably doesn't ring any bells. He is the guy behind the graphics of Ico and Shadow of Colossus on the PS2. Something of a genius. He has created some very unique graphical styles that represents a clear ability to think outside of the box. True of his earlier games - True of his later games. He seems to exude the same passion and a creative genius that few ever replicate.

When referring to Warp, he once used the phrase "...when WARP was breaking up". "Breaking up?". Does anyone see UBI Soft "Breaking up"? Or "EA?" No these companies go 'Chapter 11' or 'Cease trading' they don't "Break up". It sounds like a music band.

No surprise then that Eno-san now makes music. And Warp is no more.

So what is 'D' like as a game? It has been referred to as 'Myst' meets 'Dracula' - in my opinion that's wrong. In reality it's like playing a pre-rendered version of Resident Evil. CGI created survival horror. The essence of the game has you investigating the main protagonists (Laura) Fathers death. With a little help from the dead man himself. The game is puzzle based and limited to 2 hours. No saves.

'D' isn't really a game. It's an experiment by Eno-san and Ueda-san. It's an experience.

It was described once as an Interactive Movie. Now there is a much maligned and misunderstood epitaph to give any long since gone game. Maybe it was though? You see a good movie or a good piece of music should send the audience on trip. An emotional trip. Think again about Clock Work Orange and Bohemian Rhapsody. Think about what you feel when you see and hear them. Anger. Bravado. Fear. Disgust. Joy. Hope. Elation. These forms of media control your emotions. Play on them. This is what 'D' tried to do. 'D' could well have been the first game to 'play' the 'player'. Or at least attempt to.

As a game it was mediocre - as an experience ... Experience is a personal thing. You must decide for yourself.

Rare? There is always a copy on the 'Bay!

3DO Kid.

The console manufacturing world is split between two countries. Japan and the USA. It's not a bad thing. It's not a good thing. It's just the way things are.

Japanese consoles get Japanese style RPG's, Fighting games and Arcade Driving games. American consoles get American style RPG's, First Person Shooters and Sport Simulators. This isn't obviously a hard-and-fast rule - it's just the way things pan out.

3DO being an American console had Electronic Arts and Crystal Dynamics making sure that the home audience was well catered for in the sports department.

Golf games, soccer games, American football, baseball leaving just enough room for GTE Interactive to bring street basketball to the 3DO. "Jammit".

I'd like to lambaste this game - I hate sports simulators - but there is something addictive about this basketball 1-on-1 simulator. It is pretty good as a game. It's essence is fun and addictive.

Before you all pass-out from shock, the game is also in my opinion far from perfect. Take for example the characters. 3 to choose from. All of which were cliched up-to high-heaven. It is embarrassing just to look at them on the option screen. "Roxy" the busty blond one. "Chill" the angry looking black one. "Slade" the white one - who went to a Motley Crue concert in '87 and never filly recovered.

The animation is also ropey. Despite GTE Interactives fancy-pants digitizing studio each character seems to sport around four and a half frames of animation per character - which shrinks to one frame per character when they leap into "Hoop-cam". Don't, even, ask.

Each game is played for money. The amount of money determines the difficulty level.

So - You've chosen your character. Placed your bet. You now need to choose your game. There are 8 variations to choose from. All they do is alter the dynamics of the game. The number of points needed to win. How fouls are handled, that sort of thing. Once done, your into the game.

I prefer simple 1-on-1. Which meant first to 21 points and fouls are enforced. I bet $300 and I chose Roxy - in a hope her boobs would jiggle. They didn't. A wasted opportunity - no?

The game plays well and it's easy to get to grips with. Movement is easy and more importantly easy to follow. 3D games at the time could easily lose you in badly judged depth of field by the developer.

3D not being a problem for Jammit. Essentially Jammit is a 2D game.

The game features one basket ball hoop. 1 person defends, while the other attacks. Once a point is scored the players change roles.

It would have been nice to have upped the number of frames. It would have been nice if the gambling element had been expanded a little so a player could have had a purse and a profile. Some more imaginative character designs would not have a gone a miss and a sound track that didn't psychologically scar would have been a bonus.

Despite its flaws. Despite the animation. Despite the music. Despite the banality of the characters. You are going to like this one. I did. It's fun.

Rare? Yes. Very.

3DO Kid.

I know what you are thinking - I really do. 3DO Kid got one hell-of-a set of grubby finger nails scraping the barrel for this one.

Some how and I'll be honest, I don't remember quite how it happened but I have two identical copies of this game. Perhaps I won them in a game of chance? Perhaps some other idiot abandoned it on me when I wasn't looking.

For what must 3 years this game has stared at me from across the room. 'Play me' it said. I chose, wisely, to ignore it. Never listen to cardboard boxes is my advice. It said 'Shanghai Triple Threat' on the box - in my mind it read 'Mahjong's'.

Don't get me wrong. It is not because it is a game from the orient. Good grief - I'm not racist. I loved Ridge Racer and Virtua Fighter - two damn fine traditional games from East Asia. Just these fussy, farty, irritable games with Chinese characters and little marble blocks - shuffling them around. I really cannot be bothered.

Shanghai Triple Threat represents the pinnacle to a particularly slippery slope that will culminate in you wearing brown slippers, reading the Independent Newspaper, owning a 'The Archers' calendar and listening to 'Folk Music'. As a rule - I have been in favour of shooting these people. So, I'm not about to throw away many years worth of valuable verbal abuse because Activision want to stack-up virtualised broken domino's with Chinese characters on them.

Unless of cause you are Chinese - then you have an excuse. But the other 5 billion of you - NO. EXCUSES. Do you hear me?

The Great Wall of China or not.

These are hippy games. And I'm no hippy.

I'll get moaned at if I don't explain the game in at least vague terms. Basically it is a game of pair matching. If a piece can move left or right (or either) it is considered 'free' and therefore can be paired. Once paired, the two pieces are removed from the board.

The pieces themselves are based on Mahjong's sets and included Chinese symbols for seasons, wind, dragons and flowers. There are 140 pieces in one game and the aim therefore is to remove them all.

There is a scoring system - but be damned if I could figure it out. Check Wikipedia if you are that interested.

Rare? RARE!? I have two copies. Do you want them? Make me an offer!

3DO Kid.

Yo-Ho me hearties. Did anyone notice? Anyone? Someone? I was trying, and I'd like to add emphasis to the word 'trying', to be serious in the last few of my blog entries. We covered 'Hell' and we covered 'Love bites', 'Mad Dog' and 'Bust-a-move' without trying to be witty. I'd tried to inject a little professionalism. I hope you all appreciated that. Being Easter and all. It helps not writing these thing when you are drunk. Ah - well, it looks like it is a bit late for this one.

God I hate that. Professionalism. What was I thinking? Onwards and upwards as my mother always says. Well. Hmmm. To be honest - sideways and back a bit; let us look at 'Space Pirates' - Yet another American Laser games game!

So from my previous American Laser games entries - what do we know about their games?

1. They are made in New Mexico, USA.
2. They usually involve guns.
3. They usually have a veritable psycho's patio stuffed full of bad acting.
4. I like them.
5. Did I mention guns?

So - did Space Pirates break any American Laser games moulds? How can I sum this up? No. No it didn't. You see - You still need to be trigger-happy, cliche loving, murderous, nit-wit to like these games. And I love 'em. This one, in a break from the tradition, is set in space. Hence the title. And no Cowboys - there are Pirates. You still have to shoot them but at least it is different.

The game has you blowing away (with a gun in case you were wondering) Space pirates in a quest to gather the Space Crystals and save princess thingy from the clutches of Captain Talon. He's the bad guy.

That's it. That's all there is too it.

It's a conversion from a 1992 American Laser games arcade machine - it needs a light gun and as usual, completely unplayable without one on the 3DO multiplayer. Sadly.

The old guy is back - the one from Mad Dog McCree and Mad Dog II. You know the one. The one that looks like he was rejected for a part in Grizzly Adams. His name, and yes I looked him up, is Ben Zeller.

Space Pirates was made in '92, so naturally right at the end of this games attract mode, where it tries to convince you as best it can to play the game, Captain Talon turns to you and says, "...and remember - winners don't take drugs!" - having played the game and seen the acting, I have a bad feeling they may help however.

Rarer than Mad Dog I & II - enjoy the screen shots.

3DO Kid - It's good to be back!

Nudge - Nudge. Wink - Wink. Say-no-more.

Put these in order of embarrassment.

1. Being caught visualizing yourself having sex with someone.
2. Being caught visualizing yourself killing someone.

Now put them in the order it should be.

It is bazaar isn't it?

Killing and sex are main stays of entertainment. Sex is considered the lowest common denominator however.

Unlike the authoritarin Nintendo and to some degree Sega and Sony, 3DO placed no restrictions on what could be published for their platform.

Love bites is a small part of the fruit reaped from that lack of limitation. It's fairly mild. Pretty girls scampering around in lingerie with what amounts to a Halloween theme. There is no plot, no story and little or no point. Love Bites really only serves as an interlude between games involving killing.

For shame - you smutty little monkey... Wink, wink...

Make love - not war. (Yeah right!)

Rare - like bra's in this presentation.

3DO Kid.

In '94 there was a problem. Of cause - there is always a problem. Some people had a vision. A view of what might be to come.

Martin Luther King had a dream. A vision of the world as it might be. Martins' vision was and is a beautiful thing. In other cases a vision is a warning. Orson Wells in the film 1984 offered us a possible version of the world as just such a warning.

In other cases a vision is simply a string of words that sound good. Under scrutiny they mean nothing. You see - having vision is one thing - being able, as in the case of the catch phrase of '94 which was'Interactive Movies', to execute on that vision, is another.

Imagine you are a developer in 1994. The public had been sold this vision. That vision was entitled 'Interactive Movie.' It was a buzz phrase - everyone was saying it: Atari, Commodore, Sega and 3DO. What did it mean? Simple you say - it's a movie you interact with...

..."One day" they said, not stopping to take questions, "The movie will be obsolete. Because the consumer will have technology powerful enough to design, direct and star in their own movie - the Interactive movie - and that future is now!"...

What does that mean? A game with a virtual set, some virtual actors with impossible artificial intelligence, unlimited sets, locations, props, lighting, key grips... All in 64Mb RAM? No - I don't think so.

So - back in the shoes of the developer - how do you create an Interactive Movie? Like a fish out of water the developers and designers of 1994 flopped about on the bank a little, not sure what to do. Eventually they simply plopped back into the river they had always swam in - the answer must have been obvious to some, they carried on making Video games, to others it was a opportunity and a challenge.

What is a movie? Well, it's a story of some description - portrayed on screen. So - an interactive movie would be a story portrayed on screen, moreover a story you interact with.

So - the question begs, how does that differ from other video games? Games where you have starred as space-ship commander shooting wave after wave of invading aliens. "Space Invaders" it was called. Was that an interactive movie?

You might argue it needs realism or greater depth.

So "Space invaders" with better graphics? And of cause a plot. O.K. That would be an Interactive Movie would it? Possibly, maybe, perhaps but in reality? No. In my humble opinion that's a video game.

Was Dizzy on the Spectrum an Interactive movie? Or the Last Ninja? What about HalfLife 2 on the Xbox? There was a script. A storyline. You interacted with it. Surely it was an Interactive movie or are they just video games - where is the line of distinction? What is the difference?

People in 1994 were expecting something new - something different - something that took advantage of CD media.

'Hell - a cyberpunk adventure' is another jab by developers of the 1990's trying to interpret the phrase 'interactive movie' and then execute on this poorly defined vision.

One aspect is immersion. Certainly it is one of the first things that hits you about 3DO Hell by Take 2 interactive. It tries hard to offer a vision of a futuristic cyber-hell. How this translates in the game is copious use of the colours red and brown and pseudo-demonic organic looking rooms - it's all very nice but it is plain old hell. There isn't, even within Dantes' vision or the Biblical vision of hell, much scope for improvement and no moulds were broken in the design of this game.

Next we have characters who takes part or 'actors'. In the case of Hell they are either computer rendered or digitised versions of real actors. Very real actors. In an attempt by Take 2 to create the ultimate interactive movie they employed Dennis Hopper, Grace Jones and Stephanie Seymour.

Sadly - for accomplished actors such as these - their performances were at best stilted and their game personalities are cliched. Hopper says '...mannnn', Grace Jones has you wondering what sex she is and Seymour is pretty and therefore digitized rather than rendered. Cheap and harmless but uninspiring.

Moving on to the 'Interaction' part. The interactive movie designer needs you, the player, to interact with the game or the movie. So what form is that interaction going to take?

Simulations is one route: Driving, shooting, flying, etc., allow you to interact with a game but can be difficult to use in propelling a story along. Also they take development time and money.

Other forms of interaction, such as conversation steering and simple puzzle solving are much more straight forward and can be implemented in such a way as to drive the plot along. This is what 'Hell' does. The game is split into two: Investigation and discovery, and, lengthy dialogues aside, solving puzzles.

You will find two forms of puzzles - such as stand on the right square to light-the-lights in the right order or gathering objects and combining them in such a way as to progress. Some of which are very good - others, sadly, plain old confusing.

The plot, set 100 years in the future, is one where you must solve the mystery of the oppressive US Government. The driver behind this investigation is a time limit set in place by your characters impending execution. The time limit is real. Failure to complete the game within the time limit will mean game-over.

The theme is gritty, dark, demonic and adult. Another cliche from the early to mid-90's: 'Adult themed Interactive movies'. Which translates as brief nudity, swearing and people being tortured. All culminated together meant Hell had a certificate 18.

So there we have it. An epic location: Hell. Real actors. Viewers Interaction and the last thing is of cause the plot and in my opinion Hell has a good plot. Combined, surely, the greatest Interactive Movie? The greatest execution of a somewhat vague vision?

It all should have worked but it doesn't - not quite. They remembered the actors, the locations, the graphics, the interaction and the plot - but then they forgot the most crucial ingredient - the fun. A game should be fun or engrossing or good solid entertainment. Sadly 'Hell' isn't. It barely manages to hold your attention. The mistake I believe they made was they focused on the vision - 'Interactive Movie' and missed the point - 'It's a game'.

In a nut-shell Hell is a 'Point and click' adventure. A very mediocre one.

...although the twist at the end is good!

Rare? Partially - If Snow-balls wrapped in bacofoil for safe keepin' are rare in Hell. There must be some right?

3DO Kid.

There are a handful of games that just totter on the brink of timeless. The first one must be Tetris - a simple, elegant, unassuming hugely addictive game. Next, perhaps, Bomberman. Pang even? Maybe, maybe not. Lemmings? - sure. Pac-man then? Again maybe - maybe not.

There is a simple trick to these games. Not in the playing but in the execution. In the design. The beauty with these games is first in drawing you in. 'This is simple' you cry as the first few levels zip by. You feel safe. Warm. Relaxed. It's taxing but no where near impossible. The following levels test you more. Crucially you still win. Yeah, sure - The pressure mounted. It was on the edge - but you prevailed. Right? Easy.

Surely the game cannot beat you now?

Like a fish watching an anglers lure dancing in the stream, mesmerized by the sparkling shapes you are lulled into a false sense of security. The danger mounts. The pressure builds. The sumptuous, delicious, addictive next level draws you on. I can have it. I can have it. I can win. I just need to aim right... You hold your breath as the bubble sinks perfectly into place.

Then you're dead. You've lost. Bub and Bob cry.

You jab away at the buttons. It was a mistake right? A simple error. It was marginally off-target. If it had been real coloured bubbles you were firing from a dinosaur manned cannon - well things would have been different. The angles were funny. It'll be different next time. No - the time after that. Well, err, the next time. The next time? Time... Time.

Time - kiss it good-bye.

Bust-a-move is in the same league as Tetris. It is a game that tests human weakness - and we all fail. Time and time and time and time again.

Rare as squirrel eggs that roll down the western side of the hill.

3DO Kid.

The light-gun genre has been popular mainstay of video games throughout history. The genre itself can be traced back to 1936 with the Seeburg Ray-O-Lite game - A large veneered wooden duck hunt of a game which incorporated a light activated Shotgun.

Operation Wolf by Taito in 1987 is easily one of the most popular and commonly remembered Light Gun games - with it, your 10p coin would transport you into a Rambo style jungle setting shooting insurgent rebels. Other popular light gun games have been Sega's Virtua Cop series starting in 1994 and Time Crisis by Namco in 1995.

Light gun games have been made cute as in Point Blank on the PlayStation. Horrified as in Sega's House of the Dead and herioc as in Konami's Silent Scope.

In 1994 the 'Light Gun' was 'Real-ised' on the 3DO, in the form of Mad Dog McCree. An arcade conversion by American Laser games.

Mad Dog itself represents a popular mode of thinking by developers of this early CD platform era. The thinking was to take realism one step beyond computer generated and to incorporate the really-real world in the video game.

A light gun interactive movie if you want.

Mad Dog is the digitised story of Mad Dog McCree. Where you, as the player, must traverse the Wild West town, gunning down Cowboy vermin' were ever they be a hidin'.

The game has a simple tree structure. You decide where to start, either the Corral, Saloon, Bank or Sheriff's office. Once in your chosen location, I'd recommend that every-time a gun toting Cowboy turns up - shoot him. By actually hitting your intended target within the allocated time, you progress further up the tree structure of the game - failure to do so will mean you meet up with undertaker.

The script is fun, the acting is well on the way to being tolerable and the sets are impeccable.

The usual pain of these games is that they don't work at all without a light gun, as the 3DO D-Pad is simply to slow to substitute.

The only other niggles are that you can't shoot the old guy leading you through the game and no matter where I search on the web - I cannot for the life of me remember where I have seen him before.

From the Seeburg game, to Segas' first arcade machine 'Periscope', to the Atari VCS, the Sinclair Spectrum, the MSX, Dreamcast, PS2 and Xbox - the Light Gun genre has always provided a scintillating and fun arcade challenge - and deserves better recognition for its services to the video game industry than it often receives.

Mad Dog McCree with a light gun can hold its head high in such company, it's one of the better 3DO games.

It is not all that rare and it is quite fun but like I have said, only with a light gun. Ignore at your peril.

3DO Kid.

Vanity publishing for the written word is not a new practice. Scorned slightly by mainstream writers, the system allows anyone with sufficient money to publish their own book. This is at odds with traditional publishing mechanisms suffered by cash strapped writers.

Sometimes Vanity publishing is done for the right reasons. At other times one can imagine it was done purposefully to fuel the authors ego.

"Dennis Miller - That's news to me" - could well be the first digital vanity publishing. It allowed, way back in 1994, Dennis Miller an opportunity to store some 200 of his satirical jokes on one magical 3DO CD.

Firstly - I didn't find him that funny. This maybe in part due to the fact that many of jokes are now too dated or irrelevant to remember. Secondly - the jokes are a little American centric. An example: '...the British Grand Prix is held at a place called Silverstone... this must be on the worlds only none-stick track!' ...I'm sorry, I don't get it.

At best the comedy managed to raise a smirk. At worst if left me confused.

On the other hand vanity publishing does offer something interesting. A raw, unedited snapshot of the world in which it was recorded. And although there is no footage, just Dennis Miller pretending to be a News caster on this CD, it does offer a snap-shot of 1994. Even Dennis' haircut and suit jog our memories of the world before the millenium ended.

Now 12 years old - this disk will not have you rolling in the isles with laughter, it will have you nodding, remembering and muttering to yourself '...yeah, I remember that!'

Rare outside the USA.

3DO Kid.

Phoenix 3 - it's a left to right platform game.

But I just could not face it. Not again. Not another-space ship enhanced introduction. Oh Lord in heaven above and him below who put the calories in lager - I beseech thee: Why did they make every introduction for the 3DO have space-ships? Why? WHY!?

Studio 3DO by 1995 were undertaking an operation codenamed ‘Sink-ship’. The first part of the operation was working their fingers to the bone trying their damnedest to release top-notch Triple ‘A’ games for the 3DO Multiplayer. While simultaneously working on an exit-strategy so they could make games for every platform. So, part of operation ‘Sink-ship’ was too look like they were supporting 3DO multiplayer - without actually looking like they had to. All the while developing 'great' titles. Their words not mine.

By 1995 3DO player was bombing. Badly.

In a ship sinking faster than a vessel designed by a professional sieve maker, the 3DO Captain (Trip Hawkins) had taken to driving way too close to the ships in front. The ships in front, namely HMS Atari Jaguar and CD32 Maru had hit the breaks months before and the good ship 3DO looked like it was going to slam into them. All three ships sinking under the weight of the tatty half-arsed games they carried.

In addition to having to hit the breaks in time, they were now too late to avoid being sunk by the great iceberg of the Pacific – nick-named ‘Playstation’.

As this monstourous berg painfully loomed into view, the 'HMS 3DO' was quickly re-christened ‘HMS Jesus’ - Yes it was that holy and no-body doubted it was about to get crucified.

To make matters worse, thanks to the Captain, the newly christened 'HMS Jesus' was letting in dirty brown unholy water - fast. This was thanks to the additional burdon of being superceeded by the never to really emerge M2. The next generation of 3DO Multiplayer.

No one was going to buy a console that -

i) Had no games.
ii) Was painted with same brush as CD32, FM Towns, Atari Jaguar.
iii) Was about to be made obsolete by its own sucessor - 3DO M2.
iv) Stood any real chance against PS1
v) Was being screwed by its own company.

The 'Rats' panicked. The 'Rats' (3rd Party developers) a mainstay of any sinking ship, if only in their departure, had packed their bags, put on their little rat sized life jackets, stashed away their reserves of cheese and had scampered off to pastures new. What had grabbed their attention was not only the stench of the sinking HMS Jesus but the allure of that massive iceberg.

On the actual day of the sinking of 3DO, the band (The Press) and the Captain (Uncle Tripp) had dispensed with traditional ship sinking protocol and had preferred instead to kick all the women and children (me and you) in the nuts as they pushed their way to the life boats - sparing but a few moments to steal anything warm from the sick and infirm. (Their own developers.)

So what better way to help send 3DO player wafting its way graciously to Davey Jones' locker than a half-arsed, badly executed, using appaling digitized character, each with only a few frames of animation badly thought-out platform game - just like Phoenix 3?

Phoenix 3, rare – unsurprisingly.

3DO Kid.

How Reality hit my home.

September 9th 1994. U.K. 3DO Launch. Well, it didn't so much launch as escape.

Almost 12 years. Over 12 years for the guys in the U.S.

I don't want to sound all new-age Gothic, I'm not the type - I own a pair of Chino's you know. I own a Britney Spears CD. I heard 'Crazy' in the car the other day, I thought it was alright.

I'm not even the sentimental type - 'Nostalgic' - but not sentimental. At least I try not too be - but I feel melancholy. Yeah - sounds a bit gay. Not the cool chic gay either - but the frilly pansy-boy gay even homosexuals steer clear of. I'm not homosexual. I'm not anti-homosexual. I'm melechony.

12 years ago. 12 years. I still have every copy of Edge Magazine. Every bloody copy.

Ahh, the memories.

I didn't actually get a 3DO on the day of release - which I believe was a Friday - I bought mine on the following day, Saturday.

At the time I was working in a chemical factory called Arrow Chemicals. I filled bottles of washing up liquid and aluminium cleaner and other stuff. It helped pay for my University studies. So - what better way to fritter away my bubble funded salary than on a games console. I mean home media 32bit interactive edutaiment unit.

There were three jobs in the factory. Put the bottles on the conveyor belt. Fill the bottles. Take the bottles off. Tax free - I was student. The job sucked. The pay was good. And I loved video games. Each bottle represented one step closer to owning 'Shockwave'.

So it was, a bright and sunny Saturday in the Octagon centre in Burton Upon Trent. At the time it was still kind of new and everything looked shiny. About three quarters of the way through the shopping center was Calculus. Calculus was a German retail company that sold cutting edge computer stuff. There was a chain of the them across Europe - which all went bust eventually. They sold lots of things, including on that day in September 1994, one 3DO Multiplayer. They sold it to me.

On that same day, after 19 years of feuding, my sister and I had finally made friends. Due to my neutral stance on her new boyfriend - who she eventually married. Us both working part-time in the same factory. Us both going to University. My sister finally getting a handle on those troublesome 12 - 18 troublesome hormone years women suffer from. So-much-so, she lent me 200 quid, half the £400.00 I needed to buy a 3DO multiplayer. So a big hurrah for beating hormones!

Sitting in the back of my parents car on the way back home - even my parents remained worryingly calm. Even after I told them the truth about the cost. Apparently my parents were finally getting a handle on those troublesome zero to 120 troublesome years - You know, those tricky years where parents suffer mental problems.

Yes indeed, it was one very special day 10th September 1994. The day after the 3DO was launched.

At home I had been left with the cramped corridor bedroom. My parents had bought a three bedroom house many years back. My brother and I had shared a room since - well, since forever and naturally my sister had her own room and so did my parents.

At some point - I don't remember when - the corridor leading to my brothers and I room had had some room taken from my sisters room, a false wall was fitted and had been converted into a room - of a sorts. Enough room for a bed - a TV (Black and white) and that's about it. And of cause - a brand new 3DO player and couple of games made it snug.

Without wasting a moment I was hooked on the arcade play-ability of Total Eclipse - handy since I'd just paid £400.00 for a copy. Luckily it came with a free 3DO Multiplayer.

I remember - I was so enthusiastic, so excited, so trembling with glee with my new purchase (technically only half of which I owned) - I had called people into my microscopic room to witness the Full Motion Video computer generated aliens speak in the Total Eclipse introduction. 'Look at this!' - I tried widening my eyes and slackening my jaw in the vain hope it would catch on but my 'not interested in 8bit, no joy from 16bit, so no hope for 32bit' mum and dad showed unwavering apathy.

I then watched the 3DO Sampler disk on that sunny, harmonious Saturday afternoon.

"Panasonic."

My shiny new player announced via the tinny, scratchy monotone speaker fitted to my B&W television - it said it loud and proud. It felt good. Panasonic was a 'posh' brand. Posh people had Panasonic - one day I thought, when I leave University, I'll get a Panasonic everything - just to match my 3DO. Then I'll watch the Sampler disk again.

Firstly I watched the half an episode of Batman - it was pretty good but only half an episode - "Revenge is dish best served chilled", I think he said. I'll never know what form that revenge took as I never saw the other half.

After that the photoCD was less than inspiring - it took too long to load. The racing car demo was no Ridge Racer. The Pinball demo was naff too.

You could rotate, on-screen, and explore a virtual representation of the 3DO multiplayer. By clicking on the right part, using the less than inspiring 3DO D-Pad, you could learn more about your new purchase. Not very thrilling since I already knew as much as anyone could by reading and re-reading every article written about the FZ-1. In addition I had done a fair bit of actual rotating of the unit in the back of the car. Still I played with this virtual 3DO player for about 2 hours - just to make sure I missed nothing.

The disk isn't rare - every machine got a copy.

3DO Kid.

Apparently - and I was as shocked as the next guy - Lemmings do not commit mass suicide. What? Sorry? No? This may well be the final bubble burst. Santa, the tooth fairy, Crispo the magical elf - all fake. Fine. You know what? I can handle that. Something incredibly illlogical about the whole Santa Claus thing anyway - even to a five year old. It didn't make any sense. The whole concept, to me at least, was always suspicious. The tooth fairy - well the tooth fairy I figured was a pragmatic Ivory Dealer - yet i was still a little miffed to descover the whole things a fraud but Lemmings NOT committing suicide? It's like the Pope not being Catholic.

Deep breaths. Deep Breaths.

O.K. Psygnosis and DMA design. What do you know about them? Psygnosis did Shadow of the beast for the Amiga - a game which looked good and was pooh. No sorry, that is actually disrespectful to other pooh games. Shadow of the beast was crammed to the top with 'Dread'. Yep - "Dread-full"

DMA design? Well DMA design, for some inexplicable reason, always remind me of a game called 'Walker' also on the Amiga. Ultimately DMA design became Rockstar - who do the Grand Theft Auto series and of cause, Lemmings - a game written by DMA and Published by Psygnosis.

And as we now know is based on a barefaced lie. Lemmings don't commit suicide. Neither do they produce little umbrellas when jumping from high towers and neither do they shout "Ohh Noes" as they are about to exploded

So - we were lied to again about Lemmings.

The 3DO version of Lemmings was no different to any other version. Some Lemmings would emerge from a hole - intent on killing themselves. Your job is to save them by bequeathing them with super powers and aiding them in navigating the traitorous path ahead.

How much fun can that be? That question, of cause, is directed actually at a small hermit that lives under a rock in the Serengeti Desert - since he will be the only person alive not to have played Lemmings.

Fun? Fun? How much fun is Lemmings? Fun is actually the wrong word. Coming back to Lemmings after 10 years is like the idea of having sex after spending three days digging a ditch single handily around Buckingham palace. Your brain says 'Go for it' - your body on the other-hand says to the brain 'You do and I'll walk you off a cliff - swear to god'.

In retrospect Lemmings is a lot like sex. The first time you play it, you can't stop. Day and night and night and day - best game ever - right? And then? Well then you start digging that ditch (the ditch is a metaphor) and you're too tired sometimes to play. The big difference between lemmings and sex is that after 10 years it's easy to keep saying 'no' to Lemmings, while sex on the other hand...

Lemmings is so rare on the 3DO - I have been informed Crispo the magical elf keeps the only copy in his secret wardrobe.

3DO kid.

Space - The final frontier. Not, so it seems, for the people who tacked the pre-rendered introduction on to every 3DO game ever made. The discussion must have gone something like this:

- So, errr, what kind of game is it?
- Well, it's a niche game about fluffy the Yorkshire Terrier Dog.
- Really? What's it about?
- Well fluffy is feeling amorous and you have to stop him trying to have sex with your leg. The objective is to kick fluffy as far as you can without actually killing him
- Really? So err... You'll be needing a pre-rendered introduction with space and spaceships and panoramic views of well... err, space then?
- Sure.
- OK! Give me 10 minutes.

In fairness Captain Quazar is a Space Captain. So the temptation to once again to fire up the space simulator in the old Silicon Graphics Indigo workstation must have more than the 3D modeller could probably psychologically bear. Yet - one kind of wishes that their imagination could have stretched just a little further.

The Captain or Buzz? I am of cause referring to the striking likeness Captain Quazar has to Buzz Light-year. Chiseled jaw, swaggering walk, dramatic character but in a comedy light. There is a parallel - FOUL you cry? I think not. One doesn't appear to be a copy of the other. Both appeared in 1995 and must have been developed in 1994 and developed in isloation of each other.

So - Is this game any good?

Well where do you start with game like Captain Q? - The enemies are dumb. They chase you to an extent but show no real signs of intelligence across the 10 levels. They cannot circumnavigate obstacles to shoot at you and don't so much get stuck, rather they simply give up.

The targeting or to get Quasar to shoot at something is a bit of nightmare. Lining yourself up with your objective to shoot it, is a little awkward. And the good Captain can only face in 8 possible directions - the game is isometric (3/4 view as some people put it) so full, proper, 360 degree shooting would have been nice.

The music does grate after a little while too - but this is a minor point.

All in all: Uninspiring introduction, stupid AI (Artificial Intelligence) and 'iffy' game mechanics.

...of cause - if that is all that made a game - well, we'd be on to a loser wouldn't we...?

Captain Quasar is bloody good fun. A solid sense of humour and a manic game-play style. It is a two Player, isometric game - think Chaos Engine (on the Amiga), and yes I'll say it, good game graphics.

So - how can it be good? Balance. It's all in the 'balance'.

The game engine doesn't try to slaughter you - you feel like you do have a fighting chance. You can be over whelmed by enemies, sure, no matter how dumb they are! And you can run out of bullets - You'll waste bullets realising that everything can be destroyed. What keeps you going is the good Captains ability to draw you in.

The early levels, as you struggle initially to get-your-eye-in with the targeting, are easy enough to start with. What happens is you will find yourself investing time trying not only to achieve the mission objectives (Which not surprisingly involve finding and destroying things) but interrogating enemy soldiers (think Metal Slug freeing of captives) and shooting everything else but also in the explorartion. The new weapons, the secret parts, the new enemies to kill, the entertaining graphics - an imaganitive world of killing and murdering (aliens so that's OK) awaits to be investigated and explored. And then - blown up.

Be warned - the path of 'destroy-everything-I-see' does lead to the avenue of 'oh-bugger-I-better-find-some-ammo'. This is where the balance is good - just as you run out of ammo the game doesn't think to itself - no more ammo for you buddy and then laughs as you die. Neither does it quickly and predictably serve up some more ammunition. Balance. In a nut-shell Captain Quasar is balanced. The enemies get tougher, of cause - but you get better weapons to combat them. Blaster, rockets, granades, super granades, sheilds, lightning balls - none of these weapons I found were lame ducks, all were well animated, all were hard to aim, all did the job.

It's actually a damned good game. Even more fun, I imagine, in 2 player mode.

Studio 3DO - the developers of Captain Quasar - recognized, as did Nintendo and Sony but interesting not Atari until it was way to late with their Jaguar, that you simply could not rely on 3rd Party developers to make Triple 'A games for your game system. You had to do it yourself.

By 1995 the writing was on the wall for the 3DO. (The writing said 'Playstation has Ridge racer') but in it's swan song the 3DO multiplayer played host to some classic games - such as Captain Quasar.

Rare - Yup, but a couple of weeks of eBay watching should stump up a copy.

BUY. IT. NOW.

3DO kid.

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